I recently saw a writing prompt that asked "What color do you feel like and why?" And I had to think about it. My favorite color in the world is Navy Blue. I like all shades of blue, but royal blue, but does it represent me? Does it showcase my feelings? Or is there a better answer? And the truth is, I do think I feel like navy blue, but I also don't think if someone looked at me, that they'd see it, and I'm not sure I'd want them too.
To me, navy blue is as close to black as you can get without being that dark. When I think of the color black, I think of goth, and darkness, and drowning in your own head. I'm not quite drowning in my own head, nor do I always wear black, or find the color super appealing. It's just there. But Navy, navy can still hide the things I don't want seen. It can hide my scary thoughts, but it's still extravagant. No one questions a navy blue. Navy blue is just the right amount of elegance and power to hide what ever you need to, but also not look suspicious. People and yourself can say you're okay, but it doesn't have to be true. It's a color dark enough to cover the ugly, but pretty enough to not be questioned.
And that's often how I feel. I know all the right things to say. I know how to play the games, whether I want to or not. And I'm constantly trying to hide the anxiety and depression and whatever other feelings that plague me on a daily basis. So I'm dark, but not dark enough where people should be concerned. I can hide the scars, and navy blue embraces it all.
However, I don't really want people to see me as navy blue. I love the color. I love what it means to me, but I don't want other people to see me that dark. I want to be seen as yellow. Yellow is a happy color. Yellow means that you are a brightness in this dark world. That you are 'good'. I want to be yellow. I want people to see me shining, and I'd be a bright spot in their day. Whether they just saw me, or talked to me, I want them to think, wow, my day just got better. And I'm not saying that I'm so great and all that and that's why. No, I just want people to see happiness is contagious. And I want to be so kind that that's what people remember. Yellow is kindness. Yellow is going out of your way to make the world a better place and doing it with a smile. Unrealistic, I know. But that's what I want to be seen as. And maybe one day, it will be true.
Do you have a color that you want to be seen as? And maybe you also have a different color that you actually feel like. Share in the comments or on my instagram what color you feel like and what color you want to be seen as. I look forward to seeing your answers!
Till next time,
CC